Goodbye to May

 

It’s a beautiful Sunday evening. The door to the garden is open and Magnus is snoozing in the long grass. I can smell cookies baking in the oven and in the background, music from the One Love Manchester concert. It all feels slightly surreal after spending the last moments before bed last night glued to the tv and anxiously scrolling through twitter with the news breaking of another attack in London. My dreams were filled with related images and I woke feeling completely unrested, almost scared to look at my phone, knowing that things would be clearer this morning and there would likely be confirmation of lives lost.

The day has been heavy for the most part. My mind prickling with sad thoughts and anxieties. I can barely comprehend the world we live in at times, but i’ve got so much hope for the future. The worst of times always highlights the best of humanity. I can barely find the words really, but it feels wrong not to acknowledge the events of the past few weeks. Manchester, London but also Kabul, where even funerals are not safe from violence. Heart breaking.

You try and be strong and think rationally, but it feels like it could be any of us. I was on London Bridge a couple of days ago with my mum, on our way to The National Amyloidosis centre for her 6 monthly check up. I’d also been invited to a party in London Bridge the night all the most recent horror took place, but couldn’t make it. Thankfully I believe everyone who did attend that party is safe but all this makes it feel far too close for comfort. I have family in London, my brother, my partner, his sister and his Dad work in London, I regularly travel to London. Every time I kiss Steve goodbye in the morning, it crosses my mind. Every time I go to London it crosses my mind. But we have to keep doing it. We can’t let this change how we go about life, no matter the underlying anxiety. We’ve got to keep on keepin’ on.

Life over the past month seems so trivial to talk about now, but here I go anyway.

For the most part things have been good. I’ve been exercising a lot, I’ve been more efficient with my work and things have been a lot more balanced. Though I wish I could find the time to write here a little more. Everything takes so much time.

I think being in Devon gave me a good chance to recharge the batteries and get some decent time away from the house and the computer which helped a lot. Being a home worker makes it all too easy to spend more time than is healthy stuck to a chair in the living room facing a screen. Even though I get out and about with Magnus quite a bit, it’s good to really get away. Though, the next few weeks are almost the opposite end of the spectrum, where I’ll be getting away more than usual.

Next week I am heading to Finland for the first time and returning (sort of) to St Olavs. Not in the way I thought I would this year, not to the trail I walked last summer, but instead to a brand new part of the trail with an exciting twist. I’ll share more about it soon. Straight after Finland i’ll be flying to France for a few days for a break with family and then i’m home for a couple of weeks before a short trip to Scotland for Wild Night Out, welcoming in the Summer in the best possible way.

I really hope you all have a lovely June!

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