I’ve been getting bogged down again. Sorry that isn’t a very positive start to a post is it? But actually, in general, life is pretty amazing right now, it’s all in my head. We’ve started planning our wedding; the day I get to marry my favourite person in the whole world. My friends and family are all doing well, I love my work, and I have lots of really exciting things to look forward to in the coming months. All in all, I can’t quite believe just how lucky I am. Which makes the whole feeling bogged down thing a lot more frustrating, it makes me feel ungrateful and like i’m not making the most of life. I think this quote by John Milton sums it up pretty well “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..”.
Constantly battling with your own mind putting a negative spin on everything is pretty exhausting, but it is worth every effort to bring about a more positive mind set and be kind to yourself. Even though I feel like i’ve been trying to do this for most of my adult life, I would say that lately, I have tried harder to prioritise, take a step back and not get overwhelmed by all the things I feel I should do. Half of the stuff I fret about is only going to be missed by me anyway and it is ridiculous how much I stress myself out.
I don’t feel like i’ve done too well at it, if i’m honest, but that’s probably my negativity again. In reality, I have made some changes to how I am approaching things and i’m feeling positive that things will start to improve. Anyway, I could go on and on for ages and get in a right spin about things, but as I haven’t posted in a while, I wanted to break it by getting some of these feelings down, writing a positive list and drawing an invisible line under this negative period so I can just get on with life. A couple of negatives to start but ending on all the good.
I’m tired of everything i’ve mentioned above. Anxiety and stress created by my own mind, getting stuck in a rut, going round in vicious circles and all that pointless, crappy jazz.
I’m frustrated by all of the above and the negative impact it has on many areas of my life. It really is time for it stop. And, this is where it does stop. Here, with this little full stop – .
I am thankful for all the good in my life right now. My future husband and family and friends who are nothing but supportive. My lovely little dog who woke me up at 4am this morning just to say hello. My work, which sustains me without constraining me. All the wonderful things the next few months will bring.
I have enjoyed a few lovely days recently. My friend came to visit with her dog and we spent the whole weekend eating and walking in the woods – a totally perfect weekend.
I am glad that Magnus’ eye is FINALLY healing and that we have made progress sorting out our garden, a newly painted fence, shed and garage door has spruced things up nicely.
I am excited that today we are going to Devon for a few days and I’ll be visiting Dartmoor for the first time.
I am looking forward to the summer, with trips to Finland, France and Scotland planned, I am feeling like the luckiest person alive. Another summer of dreams!